see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
