Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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