I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
