a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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