i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
