Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
