His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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