Swine flu is the new snow day.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
