I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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