Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
