They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
