SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
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