Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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