We won't sleep together?
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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