I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
