somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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