An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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