So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
