I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
