Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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