What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
