actually, I'm a sock model
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
