So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
