Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
