I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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