From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
