D3 body, D1 cock
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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