I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
