Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
