I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
