he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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