i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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