I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
