i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
