I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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