Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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