i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
