so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Drunk is not a location!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
