i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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