you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
