I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
