You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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