I've blown a few things in my day
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
