There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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