Banned from zoo.
Again?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
