i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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