After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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