i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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