Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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