Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
