His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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