So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
