My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
