The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
