All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
