the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
