there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
